


attention to detail

by windupclock



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: M/M, Mostly Dialogue, also: i love the them, crowley and aziraphale are only mentioned, the thought of the them not knowing crowley and aziraphale are married is incredibly funny to me, wensleydale finds out about gay people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 19:15:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19257484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/windupclock/pseuds/windupclock
Summary: “Does Mr. Crowley have a girlfriend?”Adam turned slowly and looked at Brian.





	attention to detail

“Does Mr. Crowley have a girlfriend?”

Adam turned slowly and looked at Brian. They were in Hogback Wood, digging because Pepper had wanted to see if there was buried treasure (which, as it turned out, there was not, at least that they could find), although Brian had given up several minutes ago and was building a tiny house out of sticks.

“He’s not a Mr.,” Adam pointed out, instead of answering the question.

“Yes, he is,” Pepper insisted, straightening up where she sat on her knees and resting her hands on her hips. “He’s not a _Ms.”_

__

“Why can’t he be a Ms.?”

__

Pepper glowered at Brian. “You’re the one who called him Mr. Crowley, idiot!”

__

“He’s not a Ms. either,” Adam said, brow furrowed. “He’s just Crowley.”

__

“He can’t be just Crowley,” Pepper objected. “That’s not how names work. Your mum isn’t just Young. She’s Mrs. Young.”

__

“Ms. Young, actually,” he corrected idly. “My dad took her last name.”

__

Pepper’s face scrunched up at this, and she was about to say something disparaging about the institution of marriage before Wensleydale interjected. “Actually, it’s a good point,” he said. “He’s an  _ adult. _ You can’t just call him by one name.”

__

This made Pepper frown. “ _Is_ he an adult? He doesn’t act like one,” she said, which was a fairly good point, despite the fact that Crowley was well over six millennia old. He did, after all, consume more candy per month than the four of Them put together.

__

“He’s just Crowley,” Adam said, with an air of finality. “It’s not his surname or anything. He’s only got the one. Well, sometimes he says his first one’s Anthony, but that’s just so he can get tax refunds.”

__

“What’re tax refunds, anyway?” Brian asked.

__

Adam shrugged. “When the government gives you money back, I think. Although he doesn’t do taxes, so I don’t know why they’re giving him money back.”

__

“Actually, you can’t not do your taxes. You go to jail. That happened to my uncle.”

_Logic._ Adam gave the long-suffering sigh of someone who had to deal with this every day. “He’s a demon, Wensley. I don’t think he _can_ go to jail.” 

Before they could get into a fight about that, Pepper cleared her throat. “Well, does _Crowley_ have a girlfriend, then?” she asked, rolling her eyes pointedly in Adam’s direction on the name.

“Actually, it’s a good question,” Wensleydale said. “He _is_ handsome, but he’s also old. Can people as old as him even have girlfriends?”

“There isn’t anybody else as old as him,” Pepper said, in her usual scathing tone. 

“There’s Aziraphale,” said Brian.

“Does Aziraphale have a girlfriend?” Wensleydale asked, turning back to Adam, who was trying very hard not to laugh.

“Do you really expect Aziraphale’s got a girlfriend?” said Pepper, scrunching up her nose. “ _He’s_ old. Really old.” 

“They’re the same age, actually,” Wensleydale corrected. “Crowley told me he was made before the Earth was, but he might have been trying to scare me.”

“Neither of them have girlfriends,” Adam said definitively. “I mean, it would be sort of weird, right?”

Wensleydale frowned. “Why’d it be weird?”

“Because they’re _old_ ,” Pepper muttered stubbornly, and crossed her arms over her chest.

__

“Well…” Adam said slowly. “Because they’re married?”

__

“You just said they didn’t have girlfriends,” Brian pointed out. “Do they have wives? A wife is at least a subset of girlfriend. Or, like, the other way ‘round. Anyway, I thought the other angels were all scary like those other two.”

__

“They could have  _ human  _ wives, you know,” Pepper said.

__

“But then they’d die,” Brian argued. “And that would be sad. It wouldn’t be worth it at all.”

__

“They don’t have wives,” Adam said. “I think the other angels are all like that, actually. I mean, they were all pretty set on the apocalypse, even though it’d’ve killed everybody. And Gabriel wasn’t very nice at all.”

__

The other three looked various degrees of confused as they tried to puzzle out what Adam was saying, like it was one of the logic games from his dad’s puzzle books (which were the worst kind of puzzle, anyway, and Adam didn’t understand why someone would do them when there were word searches to be searched).

__

“Who are they married to?” Brian asked eventually, helpless.

__

“Each other.”

__

Pepper’s eyes were wide. “They can do that?”

__

“Yeah,” Adam said, shrugging. “I mean, I guess, since they did and all.”

__

“But they’re… an angel and a demon. I thought that’d be, you know… forbidden.”

__

“Probably. They aren’t even really supposed to be friends in the first place, but…” He shrugged again. “I don’t think rules stop people who are really in love very often.”

__

“Are they really in love?” Brian asked.

__

“I think so,” Adam said. “But you’d have to ask them.”

__

“Wait,” Wensleydale said. “They’re both men, actually, though.”

__

Adam nodded in acknowledgement, and then paused. “Well, sort of, I think. I don’t really know. I don’t think angels have got gender, really. Not properly, not like we do.”

__

“How’ve they got it, then?” Pepper demanded.

__

“Er… in theory,” Adam said, with the wise confidence of someone who was making it up as he went along. In his defense, when he did that, the things he was making up tended to end up true.

__

“That doesn’t  _ mean  _ anything,” Pepper objected, and it was clear she was ready to spring into an all-out argument on the subject, but Wensleydale’s confused noises cut her off.

__

“Sorry,” he said, raising a hand, “but how’d they get married if they’re both men?”

__

Adam gave him a flat look. “The same way anyone else gets married, I reckon? In a church?”

__

“Only, can Crowley go into a church?” Brian asked. “On account of him bein’ a demon and all? I’d think that’d be frowned on.”

__

“In a park or something, then,” Adam said. “How should I know where he can and can’t go? I don’t tell him where to go. I’m not in charge of him, am I?”

__

“You’re a little in charge of him,” Pepper pointed out. “You sort of are the Antichrist, right? That’s, like, the boss of Hell. The CEO.”

__

“I _was_ the Antichrist,” Adam said tiredly. “ _Was_. I’m all reformed now. I didn’t even destroy the planet or nothing.”

__

Pepper, Wensleydale, and Brian exchanged a glance, but they decided it was better not to press the issue. Adam had reached the peak of his intensity during the Apocalypse-that-wasn’t, and had been on a gradual slope back down to regular ranges since, but that didn’t mean any of them were eager to piss him off. He had, after all, always been a commanding sort of presence.

__

“I thought the church said two men couldn’t get married, actually,” Wensleydale said after a moment.

__

“Who cares what the church says?” Pepper shot back.

__

“Well, actually, aren’t they part of the church, really? Being an angel and a demon and all?”

__

“Are not,” said Brian, eloquently. “If he can’t even go  _ in  _ church, how’s he gonna be a part of it?”

__

“The law says they can, though,” Adam said, cutting off Wensleydale’s reply. “That’s what matters, really. At least, that’s what my dad says.”

__

They were silent for a moment; none of them thought themselves capable of arguing against Mr. Young. It wasn’t that he was an especially persuasive person, but he was an adult, and, more importantly, very good at not listening to any counterpoints one made. 

__

(Adam, unfortunately, took after him somewhat in this regard. They also shared a mutual distaste for biscuits with purple icing.)

__

“But, wait, are they gay, then?” asked Wensleydale.

__

Pepper groaned loudly.

__


End file.
